Well, this is where it now starts. I really have no idea where this will go, but it should get interesting as I progress. I started this because I found my son's blog and found it interesting. maybe I will post a link to it later, if he ever continues with his. It is quite extensive and hopefully I will be able to do the same thing with mine as I figure things out. This blog has been sitting idle for almost a year because I just don't know what to do with it. I chose "fuktup" as this will probably get there quickly. hopefully it will be interesting enough to keep people coming back.

I am a songwriter (aspiring for decades at this point) who writes "lyrically oriented acoustic music". some call me a "folkie" but to me that dredges up the likes of the Kingston Trio or Burl Ives....I do not fit that genre. They are traditional and I am very far from that. My problem is that I simply cannot perform onstage. Don't know why or where this came from, as 10 years ago I had no problem with it. I realize that being middle aged that I am never gonna be a "superstar" or anything like that, so I am starting to figure out how to get my music into the right hands. I want to write for others. The stage , for me, can go to hell. I don't want it or need it, but, I have to write. I went through my repitore' and have 23 songs I want to submit, 34 more that I am working on and 104 archived. people that come to kind in form of my writing style (lyrically) are Harry Chapin, John Prine, and many others you probably have never heard of. I have copyright issues right now that have me at a complete standstill, (money is the thing) but it hasn't dampened my spirits as I am in search for musicians to play with and record with in my humble studio at my home. Until my copyright issues are tended to, I will not record anywhere but here as I want no one having anything of mine that is unsecured right now.

In the meantime, I get up when I have to, go to work, come home and eat and go to bed.......then repeat this sequence. in the middle of it I write and rewrite. I am divorced once with two children from my first marriage; boy 24 and girl 21. my son hasn't talked to me since he graduated high school for unknown reasons and my daughter talks to me when she can. I feel that my son doesn't talk to me because I may be an embarrassment to him.(you know...being 45 with long hair, pierced ear, tattoos, dark past and being the eternal "rebel without a clue"
Who knows what his problem is? I figure that since he is now a man that someday he will let me know and we can go from there. I miss having him in my life. I can't help but feel that he was somehow misled about me somewhere along the way and I just never had the chance to defend myself. (or explain myself as the case may be)

I am very proud of both of them though. My son graduates from orno maine (university of Maine) this fall.....With honors! My daughter just started there and from what I am told , she is doing well. they both top me out as I never attended college. I went to a vocational school in 1985 because I was going to get reimbursed from my employer at the time (Motorola) but otherwise I have maintained that "hands on, Blue Collar" attitude. I really do hope that as my daughter fumbles around with what to major in that she considers writing.....(they were right! the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.) She writes impeccably. she just needs a little refinement is all. she would fare very well in journalism as well as creative writing.